I was driving home from a marriage party. My girlfriend is driving because I can’t drive. Suddenly someone yell swear words at us. Then that guy stops in front of us. We apologize not understanding what’s wrong. They claimed that my gf hit brake suddenly. They look like they want to fight and keep yelling at us telling us to get out.
So I thought may be I should bluff them out. I yell at them to come if they want to fight. They call my bluff.
Then they start banging on the window. I was quite scared. However, I sort of knew that if I look scared, I am death. They talked about all this that we’re the one that’s wrong but we’re the one that get mad.
I sort of know that morality, right and wrong is all bull shit. We strong we win, we win we’re right and that’s all there is to it.
When we’re weak, the smallest mistake, even no mistake, can be used as justification for the greatest prosecution.
History is filled with strong forces slaughtering the weak and than latter blames the weak with unverifiable vague accusations. If there is any curve that fits the dot is that people will kill and rob when they see it is profitable to do so. And that explains virtually all war.
The only thing that’ll stop them from fighting with me is a deterrence, or implied possibility that I can cause much harm to them.
And the process work double against me too. I may win if I fought them. If there is a 10% chance I lost, that’s not worth the risk. I got nothing to gain from this fight.
I always want to test my judo somewhere outside soft mattresses against someone that don’t know how to fall properly. One of them looks like he’s over 50 years old and look light weight enough. I can do more than slamming him with imbalance causing technique. I can actually lift him out and slam his head ground first for maximum hit point crunching with asphalt flooring, I can score an instant kill or permanent injury. Easy frag.
Then, I can bite of the face of the other one Hannibal Lecter style.
However, I don’t know how to grab someone without Judo clothes. What about if they bring knifes. What about if they know Judo, or Karate too?
So I tied to speak calmly. So I told them that I don’t want to fight and want to apologize. I told them that I want to make peace. I told them that they don’t seem to be appeasable so I have no choice but to play tough. However, I need to ensure that I don’t look like I am giving an unconditional surrender mode. Suddenly my gf is already out of the car. Oh shit… She apologized but speaks sternly.
I was concern with her safety. I tried to calm them down and get out of the car. If I get out too early I may provoke unnecessary fight. So I get out of the car while watching their hand for instant grab in case things go wrong.
To my surprise, they praised me. They said that it’s the proper way to apologize, getting out of the car first rather than hiding behind. Sensing that the tenses are lower I shake their hand and explain the situation. Than someone from the crowd told them that we got to move because we make traffic jam. The hotheads seem to get offended and then have arguments with the crowd member. I was happy that they had other fights. We use that opportunity to calmly leave.
I think they have the same problem with me. They want to bully around anyone they can. However, if there is a 10% chance they may lose, it’s not worth their time. So they pick on other victims. The reason why they don’t choose to fight me is not because I properly apologized, of course. This guy gets so mad over hitting a brake. My apologizing simply allows them to avoid fighting without losing face. Perhaps they saw that I am taller than them. Perhaps they saw that there is significant probability that someone that bark back may have something on them.
Latter my gf told me that she dares to get out because of the crowds. She knows no body is going to beat women up in front of crowds. I realized that she’s could have been save all along.
If I just keep yielding they’ll think I am weak and I’ll be in a fight. If I just keep barking, I would end up in a fight and I could have died. Somehow we did a right combination of yielding and playing tough. I was lucky. I could have died.
All my life I prepare for every possibility that can happen in my business. I could lose it all for not doing the right thing at some critical moment.
Maybe I should have been braver in my business. Looks like my gf is better at negotiating in tough circumstances.
When I got home, my dad taught me to grab people skin and ear if they don’t wear something we can grab. Also an unblock-able elbow strike before seoi nage throw can be effective. I wonder if I can remember that the next time I am in similar circumstances again.
Many told us to play rational. That we must held back our feeling so we don’t fight. However, our feeling is a fine tuned algorithm that sort of work for billions of years of evolution. Just playing nice to people that are hostile can actually lead to even more extreme hostility. In complicated cases like that, I think how we feel to act is our best chance.
I guess different people just have different level of guts. Me, I just strike if I am 99% sure I’ll win. Others would do that for 60%. Perhaps we need to take into account profit gained. If not fighting means a fight and a lost anyway, fighting should be good.
Moral of the story is that most conflicts don’t end up in fight. People just bark at each other while trying to judge each other’s relative strength. When intensive to fight is small, they usually make peace.
Most war happens due to incorrect perception of power. Also, art of war in 13 chapters say that those who are arrogant are the one less likely wanting to fight.
Of course, sometimes both sides call the bark and voila.
Peace, is not something within our control. In fact, excessive effort to achieve peace can lead to illusion of weakness and more fight. And this sort of thing is the sort of thing we should do to know rather than learn through theory.
Unconditional surrender and yielding can be far more dangerous than fighting, as the Banu Nadir must have lately realized as told in http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Banu_Nadir & http://genetips.com/2006/06/26/main-use-of-religion/
What do you think?